


everything but this

by tonyang (kurusui)



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, reciprocation is a type of mutual feeling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-03
Updated: 2017-05-03
Packaged: 2018-10-27 06:46:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10803933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kurusui/pseuds/tonyang
Summary: it was a natural progression.





	everything but this

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by carly rae jepsen’s [fever](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WXNE1UPk_Ls)
> 
> also i have to plug nu’est’s [emotion](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dPQlzJda9xU) (literally titled “bickering”) because it is THE gyuhao song. “i wouldn’t even talk to you if i didn’t like you”... ;____; this is the most backwards way of expressing affection... bye...

  1. _you wanna break my heart, alright_



Minghao tries to take a step into Mingyu’s head.

Mingyu absolutely knows. He doesn’t _know_ , like for sure, but he guesses quickly. Minghao is just too consistent when it comes to everything else. His behavior last week would have stuck out. He wasn’t aggressive enough when Junhui made fun of him backstage, and he wasn’t grateful enough when Chan brought him an extra pastry from the bakery. Maybe the fact that Minghao took it out on other people could have thrown it off, but it wouldn’t have taken a genius to figure out the way he was acting around Mingyu was overly calculated.

Mingyu never approaches him about it though. He just has a suspicion and he doesn’t need to break his own heart by confirming it. Like, it would definitely break Mingyu’s heart if he could no longer deny the reality of his best friend suffering like that, when there’s nothing he could do, because you know, you can’t control feelings.

It's just that over time it’s more obvious to Mingyu, and the more Mingyu sees Minghao out of sorts and depressed, the more Mingyu can’t sit still.

But he doesn’t know what to do, so he doesn’t do anything. Except say that one phrase.

That’s what Minghao chooses to believe, anyway.

 

Because before that Saturday at the kitchen table, Minghao already tries to detach himself from Mingyu. Somehow, he knows what’s coming and he knows strategy. He’s smart enough to know not to let himself get struck by the waves when they’ll hit the hardest.

Because after that Saturday at the kitchen table, things aren't _really_ that different. Sure, their friendship kinda takes a hit, indirectly. Minghao can’t read his mind, but Mingyu surely feels something changed, even if he doesn’t realize it, because he’s hanging around with Seokmin and Jeonghan more. They look like they appreciate the chance to spend time with him, at least. Minghao usually takes up a large percentage of his empty hours.

There is no visible tension, because Minghao pretends nothing is wrong and Mingyu is unreadable. So maybe things are okay. Maybe after a while both of them will forget everything - what happened, the atmosphere between them, whatever feelings exist in the moment (and have in the past).

This isn’t what Minghao expected of himself. He expected to avoid Mingyu as much as possible, and in some ways he does that. He avoids talking to Mingyu.

He doesn’t avoid looking at him.

 

  1. _i caught your fever, i’ll be feeling it forever_



Poor overemotional Minghao who can't control his own feelings! Poor Minghao who only knows how to deal with things by rebelling! Poor Xu Minghao, whose plans are consistently ruined by Kim Mingyu.

He’s already asked himself lots of times why they’re such good friends (which is why he’s in this position). The answers are too obvious and too good of an explanation. There are so many reasons that this was inevitable.

Because Mingyu is completely unintimidating.

Because, with Seungkwan, he takes the hits as a joke and doesn't fight back or get mad.

Because if Minghao points to him and says he's the mafia he won't get a judging or incredulous or unnerving stare in return. So he can feel comfortable and not self conscious.  
  
Because they weren’t forced to be friends, but Mingyu made it easy.

After they first meet, Minghao almost wants to make Mingyu work for his attention. It's unfair how easy it is for him to get to know people. But what he discovers is that he wants to know Mingyu. Everything between them, which he thought would always be Mingyu reaching out to him first, him watching Mingyu with envy, none of it happens like he imagines. Everything becomes mutual.

Mingyu understands Minghao, and Minghao understands him. Mingyu likes hanging out with him and Minghao makes him laugh a lot. When Mingyu calls him his best friend for the first time in an interview, Minghao doesn't miss a beat. It was a natural progression.

 

  1. _my breath was lost when you said "friends"_



The killer is that right before, Minghao doesn't even say anything to prompt it. So when Mingyu says that, it comes off as a precaution. Like he's laying the boundaries before Minghao has time to overstep them.

The optimist in Minghao thinks it was an innocent statement. They really are best friends and Minghao, too, wants to stay this close forever. It was a bad coincidence that Mingyu uses the word “just” as a qualifier. Sure, there are a lot of ways the wording of that sentence could be interpreted, and it’s not exactly the typical way of phrasing things, but...

In the cynical, or possibly the realist parts of Minghao's heart, he knows Mingyu may be simple minded sometimes, but he's not ignorant. He can't be oblivious forever. He might have known. He might have meant it That Way.

Mingyu’s not cruel, though. He wouldn't say it like that so indirectly-

Minghao's mind spins in circles and tangential what-ifs, spiraling into disaster. This really is a disaster. Minghao’s losing it. Soonyoung tells Minghao he’s overdramatic sometimes, but he doesn’t understand. He hasn’t been through this before.

 

The worst thing really ends up being this feeling in the back of his head, in his heart, that this is all going to end who knows when. Who knows if Mingyu ends up closer to one of the other members in a few years, or Seventeen disbands after a long while and they drift apart. Or their friendship continues far past that but they have their own lives and bigger things to focus on, to love. That’s okay. Everything ends eventually and the memories are what’s important.

What’s not okay is if Minghao spends the good years he actually has agonizing about what they are, what they aren’t, and losing the ability to enjoy what he has while he has it.

 

  1. _and my lights stay up, but your city sleeps / it's a different world when you're not here with me_



Minghao knows things are bad when he's in Anshan for a week, just arrived that evening, flushed after dinner and the excitement of meeting his family, and the first thing he does when he gets into bed is check his texts for a message from Mingyu. It might have been fine if he unlocked his phone to an actual text, but the crushing reality is that there's nothing.

Mingyu probably doesn't need Minghao, the way Minghao needs him. Minghao just has to convince himself of this until he accepts it.

If he had only done a better job of acting normal! Maybe none of this would have happened. He would have texted Mingyu by now without feeling this awful tightness in his fingers. Instead he is scared to type anything.

This trip is what he needs. He needs time away from Mingyu, time to think things out, time to let go.

So he tries.

Spoiler: he fails.

 

  1. _go on and break my heart tonight_



Mingyu is waiting for him at the airport, a surprise welcome back, complete with a tacky home made sign. “YONGPALI,” it reads in bright neon green on a black background. He’s grossly touched. Minghao would cry right here and now if it wasn't going to attract attention or worse, alert Mingyu to his state of hopelessness.

“Junhui hyung came back a few hours ago and is sleeping, he wanted to come too, but Jeonghan hyung wouldn't let me wake him up,” Mingyu says as they walk through the baggage claim. Minghao’s flight is at the second carousel, a crickety, dusty belt just like all the others. Mingyu is busy recounting everything that’s happened over the past few days, but Minghao can’t concentrate. All he can think about is how he was expecting another hour to himself before he even had to see Mingyu’s face, never mind speak to him.

“We're looking for a red hardside, okay?” Minghao says, only half conscious of the words escaping his mouth. Mingyu nods enthusiastically.

He’s also the first one to spot the suitcase as it passes through the flaps on the wall while Minghao is lost in thought. “Myungho, is it that one?

“Yeah, probably-”

Mingyu is already moving to check the nametag, pulling it off the belt when it gets close to Minghao. Overcompensating. Maybe. Who knows. Who cares.

It’s when he gets his head on straight and they fall back into their normal conversation that Minghao realizes this is much better than more time spent overthinking things in solitude.

 

“We could like, take a walk or something?” They get out of the taxi slowly, and Mingyu is hopeful for some reason that they can do something after, as if they don’t have a schedule in the morning and Minghao didn’t just get off an international flight.

“I’m tired,” Minghao says, but he doesn’t miss the way Mingyu’s face falls. “Why do you look like I just kicked you in the shin...”

“I haven’t seen you in a week. And you didn’t text much. I was like how are you and then you were like. Tired. I didn’t really do anything while you were away so it was kinda boring.”

“You didn’t text _me_ ,” Minghao says, biting his lip.

“I thought you were busy!”

“I thought you’d be busy, is there really nothing to do without me around?”

Mingyu gives him a punch in the arm for that and opens the door to their dorm. The living room lights are off, but half of the boys are probably on their phones in the bedrooms.

“I lied,” Mingyu whispers, walking over to the kitchen table with cups of ramyun, the same one that Minghao’s wanted to forget. But the easiest way to do that is to write over the memories with something new. “Soonyoung hyung and I went shopping. He... he made me get you this.” He holds out a cat plushie.

“Soonyoung hyung made you get me this?” Minghao can only imagine what reason he’d have to do that.

“It’s a long story,” he says defensively. “Tell me you don’t hate it.”

“I don’t hate it.” It’s really cute.

“Good,” Mingyu says, grinning, looking too satisfied with himself. “I got it from a claw machine. I know how to win those now.” He’s just asking to be loved.

Minghao takes a long time to break the silence. “You’re too nice to me, Mingyu.”

“Why?” he asks, a slowness and a caution in his tone.

“You deserve better than me.”

“So you didn’t get me anything?” Minghao laughs.

“Well, I did- it’s not the same though.” Minghao doesn’t need to explain that he almost didn’t out of pettiness. Mingyu will take it personally, he’s sensitive like that, he’ll misunderstand more.

But maybe at this point, Minghao wants Mingyu to know everything the way it really is.

“You didn’t get me anything!” Mingyu’s strangely happy about this.

“I got you a hat, shut up. We can’t all be experts that only need 20 tries and like, 5 trips to the change machine to win a prize.”

“It did NOT take me 20 tries.”

“Shh, you’re going to wake people up.”

 

Minghao will give up one day, regain his rationality. Remember that he doesn’t want or need anything more than he has. Stop being overdramatic. Get over himself. And he’ll definitely have to do that eventually, but it’s a hurdle and he doesn’t want to jump over it just to trip and fall.

Practice builds confidence! Practice makes perfect.

Mingyu will give him time.

**Author's Note:**

> i don’t think this comes as a surprise, but my favorite gyuhao fic is [burning bridges](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6838558). that’s a goal i aspire to and will never reach, but that, as well as [this comment](http://archiveofourown.org/comments/87774670), are what you could call formative ideas for my perception of (fictional) gyuhao. no matter how much i try to create a reversal, i can't convince myself of it. mingyu doesn't seem like the kind of guy who could angst about anything to be honest...
> 
> this is why all of my gyuhao fics lowkey read exactly the same, but oh well. ironically i think my favorite piece of mine will always be status quo because once i found out the reality of their best friendship, that took the bite out of all possible angst


End file.
